Since I’ve Turned 30

I’ve come to realize everyone will not like me.
That is okay.
I am moody.
Over dramatic.
Awkward.
Sensitive.
Empathetic.
But awesome.
As fuck.
My life would’ve been so much easier if I learned this lesson decades ago.
Handstand
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Woman in My Mirror

mirrormirror

I used to avoid looking at myself in the mirror.

Why? Because I was ugly.  At least, I felt like I was.  Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I saw cystic acne, enlarged pores, crazy eyebrows and sad eyes hidden behind prescription glasses.  And this was just how I felt about my face!

I hated looking at my naked body because I would have to face my small saggy boobs, the stretch marks spanned across my tummy and thighs like a maple tree, and my c-section scar, which leads to a wrinkly pouch of skin that has seen better days.  I hated looking at my body because, in my eyes it was not beautiful, it was ruined.

I turned thirty June 28 (#teamcancer)  and now I understand what it means to “love the skin your in”.

Let that sink in.

I am thirty year old, mother of two, who just learned how to love her body.  Kinda pathetic, I know, but better late than never. Earlier this year, I stumbled across a quote that made me think:

“As a child, I never heard one woman say to me, ‘I love my body.’  Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend.  No woman has ever said, ‘I am so proud of my body.’  So I make sure to say it to Mia, because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age. “

    -Kate Winslet

I realized my mother never told me she loved her body.  I also realized I never told my daughter I loved my body, because frankly, I didn’t.  This was the day I decided it was time to change.  After almost two decades of hating my body, it was time to try something different.  I needed to be proud of my entire body, including the ugly, wrinkled parts.  Plus, this body has done some pretty incredible things, like, produce life, twice!  I need to have a positive body image, if not for me, for my daughter.  My Kennedy.  My muse for this personal movement.

Now when I looked at myself in the mirror I see a beautiful woman.  Sad, thing is that she was there the entire time, patiently waiting to be noticed.

What reflection do you see when you look in the mirror?

-XO